I Just Want To Cry

I've not written anything for a few weeks now because I've been dealing with some personal issues, and also because I'm so very worried for the future of America. The things going on in my personal life are ones I'll get a handle on, sooner or later. But the things happening in this country?

God only knows when we'll somehow find a way out of the mess we're in  Do I really need to list all the things that are wrong? Because part of me wants to, right here and now. If you pay any attention at all to current events and to politics, you must have at least some idea of what's going on. 

Let me just say that as far as I'm concerned, we're living in a fascist country right now. If you don't agree with that statement, so be it.

And now Anthony Kennedy is retiring from the Supreme Court, which gives Donald Trump a second justice to nominate. If Roe V. Wade is really hanging on by the thinnest of threads, which I believe it is, the next new justice could well be the one to finish it once and for all. I said right here on this blog that electing Trump would result in everything we've long considered as being normal being up for grabs again. And I've been proven right on that, I think.

I'm sad, and scared, and worried. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to see the 2020 presidential election called off altogether. To see Donald Trump embrace his desired role as our dictator for life. Nor, sadly, would I be surprised at all to have Trump declare martial law in an attempt to control dissent.

Again, if you disagree with me, so be it. I'm just calling things as I see them, which if you read this blog on a regular basis, shouldn't come as any surprise.

I wish I had something fun to write about, or something uplifting, or hopeful. Right now, I just don't.

It's Been Thirteen Years?

Yes, it has. Thirteen years have passed since the day my wife died. In that time, I've been through a lot. Most of it was good, while some of it was almost unbearable. I've hit rock bottom a few times, either emotionally, financially, or physically. I'm grateful that I never had all three of those things go bad all at the same time.

I've lived in places I loved like San Francisco and Myrtle Beach and I've lived in places I would only go to again for vacation, like New York and Las Vegas. I've had nice apartments, and I've had ones that were in really bad condition. I've had ones that had more available space than I could use, and I've been crammed into spaces as small as seven feet by nine feet.

I've made and lost friends. I've fallen in love only to have those relationships end. I went back to college and got a second degree. And now, of course, I'm working, and am self sufficient for the first time in thirteen years. That's something I feel very good about.

My weight has dropped from 300 pounds to 175, and believe me, that was not easy to accomplish.

Sometimes, people ask me how I've managed to survive, indeed, not just survive, but become a much better person with much better circumstances. Well, let me tell you, it's not easy. For me, at least, the most important thing I did was to get rid of every single thing that wasn't essential. To, as I often phrase it, "start with the basics and add things in, one at a time, slowly and carefully".

The things I've done weren't easy. If they were, a lot more people would be doing them. I can honestly say that I wouldn't change anything I've done, or been through.

And in the end, isn't that the best thing a person can say about his or her life?

Adventures In Record Collecting

Hello, again. I've been busy the last couple of weeks but tonight I have spare time and something I really want to write about.

Over the last year or so, I've put together a small but nice collection of vinyl records. All of them have been purchased from various sellers on Discogs. Almost all of the transactions have gone very smoothly. Most of the sellers I've dealt with have created invoices quickly, shipped items promptly once paid for, and have graded the records pretty accurately.

A lot of 45 R.P.M. singles can be had for less than what you'd spend on a cup of coffee. Last week I bought twelve singles from one seller, each of them for $1.50 apiece. Shipping was another $5, which is quite reasonable.

Of course, when you buy something sight unseen, you are taking a chance on it. One seller sent me the stereo mix of an album, when I bought the mono version. The shipping label had all of the information printed on it. So, someone somewhere made a conscious decision to just send me whatever they had laying around. I sent a very politely worded message informing the seller of this mistake.

His response was anything but polite. He stated that it was my fault for not reading the listing correctly and when I sent him a screen capture of the listing, that just made him even less pleasant to deal with. I offered to pay for the shipping cost to return the album but he said he didn't want to waste any more of his time. I won't ever buy from him again, that's for sure. He also said he'd refund the purchase price (but not the shipping fee), which he never did.

The really cool thing is that for a great many recordings, the mono mix is a dedicated mix, and is the version that was initially released so many years ago. Most of those mixes sound better than the stereo mix, which was quite often something done with less effort put into it.  Also, there are a lot of promotional mixes and edits that were released only to radio stations, for air play. I've got a lot of those and they just sound so good. I have the radio only promo mix of "What'd I Say" that has never been released anywhere else. Was it expensive?

Yes, it was. But it's worth what I paid for it, to me, at least. As is the dedicated mono version of "Riders On The Storm" which had a very limited release as a Record Store Day exclusive in 2011.

It's the most expensive single in my collection at this time. It was listed as being in mint condition and that grading was accurate. I cleaned it very carefully and played it one time, to make a clean needle drop of it. The dynamics on the recording are just amazing.

In closing, I'd say that overall, about 90% of what I've bought has been worth the money I spent on it. I can live with that.

As always, dear reader, I wish you well.

It's Been Almost One Month Since My Last Post

I've been very busy, and haven't had time to post anything here. Also, I was off line for awhile because my modem stopped working and had to be repaired. I've been good, for the most part. Work has been good, though challenging at times.

The two weeks I worked with Lauren on the other side, learning as much as I could about food service for the day care program, went well. This young lady is very good at what she does, turning out restaurant quality food under less than ideal working conditions. Depending on what the meal is (breakfast, lunch or snack), there are either four or five rooms that get served. I've had the chance to taste almost everything Lauren cooks and every single thing has been delicious.

Once I was back on the cafe side, it took me a few days to get back into my routine. Mike and I make a good team. He handles most of the cooking, which is fine, because he's been doing it for forty years. I take the orders, cash people out, keep the tables clean, sweep the floor, and handle a few other things along the way as well. Mike does let me handle a few things in food prep. I've made cocktail sauce (for which Mike let me use my recipe and liked it enough to have me use it again). I've made honey mustard sauce people liked, and Thousand Island dressing that came out well. My spicy tartar sauce comes out well, also.

Friday was challenging because Mike had to fly out of state for a family emergency. I got the call that I needed to open and I was on my feet for almost eight and a half hours. I was under strict orders to keep the grill turned off. So, a lot of people were upset because that meant no eggs for breakfast, nor home fries. No burgers for lunch, either. One regular customer was so rude as to curse at me. Another decided to leave without paying and when I went after him, got on his bicycle and rode away.

If Mike's not back by Monday, I'll have to put in the full day again. I'm not 100% comfortable with the idea of that, but I'll show up on time and do my best, just as I did on Friday.

Lauren always helps me out whenever she can and I help her as well, when I can. Some times she gets really behind on dishes, so I hustle to get them caught up while she's on her lunch break. Or if someone orders a milk shake, she'll do make it for us and I'll take over what she's working on for a few minutes if she needs me to do that.

Six weeks in, I really have no complaints about the job. Plus, we got a perfect score on our inspection by the Health Department. I know that some of the really hard work I did cleaning things contributed to that and I feel good about it.

Wishing you well, dear reader.

Kevin, The Short Order Cook

Today I finished my second week at the Y.M.C.A. cafe. So far, so good. My immediate supervisor is a good person, very easy to work with. Today when we got really busy for about forty-five minutes, we got all the orders out fairly quickly, because we made a good team. All the orders were done right, which isn't the easiest thing to get done. Our customers tend to be residents of the building, or people who work out here, or people whose children are in the day care program. We get a lot of parents who want a quick meal after dropping their kids off for the day.

Most of what's on the menu is your standard diner type fare, but Mike does a nice job of creating some fun specials. Today we did taco sauce cheese fries and people really liked them. I've had customers complement me on some of what I've made including cocktail sauce, Thousand Island dressing and honey mustard. I made a spicy tartar sauce to order today for one customer and he raved about it, and he also gave me a nice tip.

I've done well enough that the next two weeks, I'm going to be cross-trained on doing the meals for the kids in day care. Lauren turns out some really good food that's healthful for the little ones, so I'm excited to see how she does what she does.

The pay is decent, as I've said before, and I'm learning a lot.

As always, dear reader, I wish you well.

Spring Break 1997

Picture it, if you can. March 31st, 1997, heavy snowfall coming down in the early morning hours.

I woke up early that morning because that semester in college, I had an 8 a.m. class three times a week. Though there were no classes that week, I thought it'd be a good idea to not make any changes in my sleep patterns.

I was, to put it mildly, a wreck right then. The toll of working part time and being in college full time was really hurting me. Also, I had really been raked over the coals, as the saying goes, at a staff meeting a few days earlier. I asked for the week off the next day and the director of our agency was able to let me have it.

I was standing in the bathroom shaving when it hit me that what I really needed was to just get away from it all. This was around 6:30 or so in the morning. I finished shaving, then showered and put on clean clothes. I quickly packed a bag and then called the Greyhound station to check departure times for various cities. The agent I spoke to really listened to what I was saying about just wanting to go, and to go now. He suggested something Greyhound had at the time that was called the "Ameripass", which was a seven day pass good for travel on any Greyhound route anywhere in the country.

I went out into the dining room and told my Aunt Jane (I was renting her spare bedroom at the time) what I had in mind. She offered to take care of my cat while I was gone. I gave her $20 for cat food, litter and whatever else might be needed, and $20 more as a small token of gratitude.

I caught the local bus to my bank, took out $500, and used $300 of that to get travelers' checks. It was a short walk from there to the bus station. I was on the bus to New York at noon, because the agent suggested it as the best place from which to get to anywhere else.

While on that bus, I remembered that my co-worker and friend Patty had suggested Myrtle Beach as a possible destination for spring break. I decided to give that a try.

By the time we reached the city, I had about five hours or so to kill before catching the bus to Myrtle Beach. I spent that time walking around Manhattan, having dinner, and buying a few things in a Woolworth store (the last time I ever set foot in one, as it turned out).

The weather was getting really bad by this time, and the Greyhound driver we had from New York to Baltimore handled it really well. I ate again, while at the Baltimore station (the second one, which was newer and is on the edge of town). I slept well most of the rest of the way.

I woke up when the driver announced that we were ahead of schedule, and could stop to eat if we wanted to. A show of hands decided the matter; we stopped to eat.

I do not recommend traveling without having any idea where you're going to stay, but that was the first time I did it, though not the last. Fortunately, I found a small but clean room with an ocean view for a reasonable rate.

What did I do the four days I was there?

I relaxed. I ate at a restaurant Patty had recommended. I sat on the beach and waded out into the warm water of the Atlantic Ocean. I listened to my mix tapes. I listened to local radio stations. I played miniature golf. And, I spent the last three nights with people I met.

What happened was, I was at a club named "Mother Fletchers". This was Tuesday night. I was dancing with the girl who had won the wet t-shirt contest and things were going great, until her boyfriend walked in.

I thanked her for a good time, and sat down alone near the back. About half an hour later, I was drinking white wine when I got the feeling I was being watched. Which turned out to be the case, but in a good way. This kid tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I went to Broome Community College.

I do, I replied. He then introduced himself and said to several other people "See? I told you I've seen him on campus". He then introduced me to everyone else and we hung out the rest of that night until closing time, and the two nights after that as well.

I really hit it off with one of them, a girl named Tracy. So much so that the first day back on campus the next week, she spotted me and came over to talk to me. She invited me to her birthday party that night. I accepted, and though I had no time to get a gift, I did get her a card.  It didn't take long for us to figure out we wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

She cried a lot the night we broke up, and to be honest, so did I. She cried even more the next night, which was when we all had one last huge party to mark the end of the semester. She came very close to getting back together with me but her best friend talked her out of it. After that, over the summer, we were still friends, but never spent time alone. And in the fall, she transferred to a school in another state. I never saw her again.

Twenty-one years have passed since I got on that bus for Myrtle Beach, a town I liked so much I later spent a whole winter there (December 2009 to March 2010).

As always, I thank you for taking the time to read this.

I Got The Job!

Yesterday at 10:08 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time, I accepted a job offer from the Y.M.C.A. cafe. It's  part time, 20 hours a week to start. The pay is competitive with what similar positions offer. I have a very good feeling about this. The cafe serves good food at reasonable prices, and to get to work is just a short walk of three or four minutes.

I'm excited about this. I finally have a chance to show what I can do, and to learn more. Once I have enough experience under my belt, I'll be allowed to run the cafe by myself at times. That will  tell me, one way or the other, if I have what it takes to open a small restaurant of my own at some time in the future.

I'm so glad I never gave up on things.